Little poem. fun

all the best laid plans of pans.
the end.
bend. send the end.
pretend.
spend
the last pense
keep; the marsh on high waters.
under the fence.
hence.
love the fence
dont forget the posts that keep the dock at bay and not in the lake.
the end.
sound-scapes.

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Sad prose

she seamed so mature to me
but i never became her
abandoned hope
when i abondoned ship
To come across the globe
three paces in another world.
Three pieces lost that the cost could never measure
father son and holy ghost.

very open post. Finally. Forgive me if i’m wrong.

I smoked one pack of cigarettes by 9 pm.
that isnt so bad.
I’m having my first coffee now…since two weeks ago.
I drank 3 beers today.
Well, I have bi polar disorder. and i’m being cared for by people with all the love in their hearts. it does’t have to be a designated secret.
but for so long i kept it in.
I gave my Dr. my business card.
and i wanted her to look at my blog.
but she hasnt
I keep all of my moods in private
because i don’t want to hurt anyone.
I have a NR. who i empathize with in my aura
and in my persona if you’d rather say that.
It hurts my feelings.
Its as though she wants me to quit smoking
and i tried today to quit
but found its just not fitting for me.
At this point in my career I don’t feel like hiding my bi polar under a rug.
Because Its a falsity in a way (to hide it)
not everyone reads my blog.
but its all taken up somewhere isn’t it?
In the collective subconscious? Where we all coincide?
I’m very smart.  But my right eye is slow. It has an astigmatism. and it wants to lead my vision. this is wrong. because my left eye connects with my mind. and my right eye only sees and maybe visualizes to help the left eye create.

vices: Time and vices.

So nothings real right?
I mean we’re in endless space that stretches on endlessly.
Nothings real.
Why not get tuned with your vices?
I tried to quit today. smoking.
I seriously tried.
All because i’m out of money.
by 6 pm. 14 cigarettes.
I don’t want to hound myself about it anymore.
I like to smoke. Its all head space.
why should we feel obligated to try to end the head space we understand?

Time goes by very quickly at age 27.
It shouldn’t. but i have been a kin to adults my whole life.
It makes sense that the quick effect to time would take place at my age.
And all the writing I’ve done. and all the searching.
It makes sense.

it might rain today.

A moment of post

Catching the dream. Watching meditative videos. Like soundscapes with pictures of nature of the Earth. and of space. Narrating what i see to myself. it was relaxing. Its been a plan to make books a long time with poetry and my artist journals in it and drawings. with tea stained color canvas binding with leather strings. I don’t think i can go by not telling the world my plans? at this fast pace as we go…what would be the difference. its not like i need a patent. I need a copyright and to date each one. I do have the content i just need to get my printer up and running. I need to install it onto my lap top. but i don’t have the CD. so this is taking a while. but at least i have my painting to keep me busy. I’ll get back to you when i think of something.